Absolutely Better Than Pot
by GalnKay
Summary: Steven Hyde has never been one to use the dreaded 'L' word, but he might have to to win her back. Sleeping with nurses and losing your girl can really bring you to your lowest point.


Steven slammed the basement door loudly and threw his wet coat carelessly onto the floor where it landed with a satisfying splat. Thunder rolled outside, along with the harsh sound of rain pelting the Forman's roof. The weather couldn't have more perfectly matched his mood today.

When he was in the privacy of his room, he sat on the cot and put his head in his hands. Taking a deep breath, he looked around and felt his stomach churn unpleasantly. He was overcome with self-loathing, absolute disgust with himself. In his whole life, not once had he hated himself as much as he did right then, even with all the shit he'd done in the past.

He had a knack for screwing up good opportunities. Now that he thought about it, every time that something decent happened to him, he ended up ruining it. This time was different, though; this time he had destroyed the best chance he'd ever had.

Getting off of her would be worse than getting off any drug that was out on the streets, and he wasn't even ready to give her up. He clenched his fists and stood, ripping the sheets off of the cot and throwing them on the floor in a messy pile. No matter how many times Kitty washed those sheets, he was still going to smell _her _on them. A thousand trips through the laundry machine couldn't change the fact that he had held her on those sheets, that he had made love to her on those sheets, or that he had completely lost himself to her on those sheets. She had stained those sheets with herself and it was a stain that was never going to come out, despite all the scrubbing.

As he looked around his room, he felt numb. Is this what heartbreak felt like? He'd never experienced it before; he'd always been the one to break the hearts, not have his broken by some chick. But this wasn't just some chick. This was Jackie_._ She was all around his room, he could feel her. It was like the walls had absorbed her scent and he couldn't stand it. Everything in his room was worthless now, it was all tainted with memories of her and he couldn't stand it. He strode over to his record shelf and grabbed one of his favorite Led Zeppelin records. He gently removed it from its sleeve and ran his fingers around the edge.

He had played this record the first time they'd made love.

With one deft move, he snapped the record in half. He reached for another. KISS this time. She'd hated that record, and now he hated it, too. He broke it as well, letting the mangled pieces of music fall to the floor and shatter along with the memories that went along with them. Not satisfied, he went to his dresser and pulled out the drawers angrily.

There was one of her shirts she had accidentally left behind. It was tiny and pink and he remembered exactly how she had looked wearing it. He yanked it out of the drawer and threw it aside as if it were on fire. It very well could have been, because his hand felt like it was burning. So were his nostrils; her shirt had caused the rest of the clothes in his drawer to smell like her perfume.

They were garbage now, and had to be thrown away. He couldn't stand to smell her on his things, not when he couldn't have her anymore.

There was the purple tie she had bought him in an effort to get him to dress up. He had never worn it, but it soon joined the rest of the clothes piling up at his feet. A pair of socks with pot leaves on them soon fell to the pile, as well as a silky, button down shirt. Both were from her, and both were worthless to him now.

He couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't be surrounded by her so completely, like he was now. She was hovering everywhere and he couldn't get rid of her. He saw her, smelled her, felt her. She was hanging in the air and he was about to suffocate. He felt his throat tighten and he sat down on his cot, staring blankly at the floor. He felt his head begin to clear and he took deep breaths.

Immediately, he regretted breaking his records. How was he going to replace his favorite? The KISS record he could make it without, but he was going to have to go out and buy another Zeppelin. He also regretted throwing all of his clothes out onto the floor, because he hated folding and that was the only way he was going to be able to get them all back in there. The only thing he didn't regret was removing his sheets, because Kitty was going to do laundry the next day and had asked for them anyway.

Steven just felt even more stupid than he had before. He had ripped apart his room in an effort to sate his anger, but he still felt like dirt. And now on top of everything, he had a mess to clean up.

He had an even bigger mess to clean up with Jackie.

Just thinking about her made his heart break all over again. All he could see in his head was her face as he told her that he had slept with that stupid nurse. Her expression had made him want to curl up in a ball and die. And when she had compared him to Kelso, well, that had almost been too much for Steven to bear. His ears still rung from where she had slammed the door of his El Camino after she had told him she couldn't be with him anymore. He sat there for about an hour after, listening to bad country music, until it had started to rain.

Then he'd driven home where he threw a temper tantrum in his room like a five-year-old.

Steven was surprised with himself for feeling the way he did. He had never reacted this way over a girl before. Hell, he had never acted this way over anything before. Why did she drive him so crazy? Why had he gotten so mad at her when he thought she'd cheated with Kelso? If it had been anyone else, he would have just dumped her and gone on with his life. But there was something about Jackie that made him emotional. She made him happy and sad and angry all at the same time. And he didn't know how to handle these new feelings.

At least he was good at hiding it. He was able to hide behind his Zen and his sunglasses and lie to himself and everyone else. He was able to be blissfully in denial; in denial to the fact that he was absolutely in love with Jackie Burkhart. He knew deep down that it was love, no matter how much he hated to admit it. If he was going to be honest with himself, the idea of being in love scared the shit out of him. He was afraid of being so emotionally tied with someone. He was afraid of the commitment. He was afraid that Jackie didn't love him back. Well, of course now she didn't love him back, because he'd cheated on her.

Love had always been really important to her, and that was one thing he'd never be able to understand. She'd told him once that she loved him, and he nearly melted into a puddle at her feet when she'd said it. But he didn't; he just told her he wasn't gonna say it back and then proceeded to ask her out to the Valentine's Dance. And that had been the end of it. Every day after that, she'd tried to corner him into telling her he loved her, too. Every time she tried to persuade him, he would tell her that love was stupid and that he wasn't going to say it.

The thing was, all that time, he did love her, but just didn't have the balls to tell her. If he could go back, he would tell her how he felt. He would also avoid sleeping with nurses.

He couldn't go back, but he could still tell her how he felt. Even if it made him look like the biggest pussy in the world and even if she didn't feel the same, he could still tell her. The fact that he loved her had to count for something.

With that thought, Steven felt his heart swell. He could march over to Donna's and tell Jackie he loved her. He reached down and picked up Jackie's pink shirt that he'd thrown to the ground. He lifted it to his nose and breathed, inhaling her scent.

God, she was better than pot.

The minute it stopped raining, he was going to do something completely out of character and win her back.

* * *

**Author's Note: This is way more angsty than I usually write, but hey, I was in the mood to write something with a darker spin to it. That's what happens when you can't sleep; you end up writing angsty fanfiction at two in the morning. **

**It feels kind of rushed to me, and I sat down and typed the entire thing in about two hours. That's never good, because when I type something up all at once with no breaks, it tends to not be the best. I guess I could wait and read it over again tomorrow to make sure it's up to par, but I want to go ahead and get this up. If it's rushed, it's rushed. Any typos or weird sentence structures will be corrected when I've had some sleep.**

**I'm really excited with this story for no reason in particular besides the fact that I haven't written in _ages, _and I was finally motivated to do something new. So please review and let me know how you liked this. **

**KAY(:**


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